The Curious Case of the Clicky-Topped Pen

 

Peering out of your top pocket, I greet the 0645 sunrise as you huffy-puffy your way up the slight incline heading up to the main entrance. Whoa, you almost lost me running for the lift-

And, we’re in.

You’re running late to handover, and you forget to use the alcohol-based hand rub before you whip me out of your shirt and start jostling for a good spot at the bedside. Oh, look, you’ve put me down to check a patient's wound… and I think I’ve got a few traces of last night’s oozing dressing on me now.

Thanks, buddy. Sigh.

Ooh look, an S8 check! It’s for a VRE patient, so don’t forget to use the Triclosan, you know we need to use that so we kill the bugs- ah, you’re in a bit of a rush so you’ve used the hand rub. That totally did nothing. Sheesh. Look, I’m feeling a bit germy, so can we please-

I DO NOT WANT TO GO BEHIND YOUR EAR LIKE THIS!

              Is that a full pan? Because I’m not really feeling great about being dropped in there like last week, so can you please remember that I‘m still in your pocket? Thanks.

At least you got one thing right this morning.

              Ewww! I don’t get it! How can you be a sympathetic gagger, but not care about what’s on me when you grab for the chocolates at the nurse’s station? Have you no shame?

              You know you could at least wipe me down before we go home today, it would really be a-

Okay.

No worries.

Maybe next shift.

Wash your hands. Wash your pens. Wash your pass.

You know EXACTLY where they’ve been.

Why I Called in Sick Today

Today, I backed into my Dad’s car when I went to pull out of my parent's driveway.

Not because I’m a terrible driver (well, not really), but because I was so tired that even walking past the van right before jumping in to my own car was not enough to stop my frazzled brain making such a stupid mistake.

It would be an untruth to say that never in my life have I experienced physical and mental fatigue equal to that which I experience as a new nurse, however it would be fair to say that as a nurse there is very little room for rocking up to work in a zombie-like state that would be acceptable in other circumstances. After the multitude of tears and apologies abated, the first thing I thought was, ‘what if it was four hours later and I’ve just made a medication error at work?’

Would I call that too, a ‘stupid mistake’?

So, I called in sick for my shift.

No matter what is going on outside of work you absolutely have to learn to compartmentalise. Let’s not even go there because we’re all adults (or in disguise as one, like I am) who have families to support, sick relatives, financial stresses and mouths to feed. I am still trying to perfect the art of deep breathing. That fixes stuff, right? I keep trying to get to a yoga class at my local gym but I am always working (surprise!), and even though I desperately want to catch up with friends and have a social life, I feel more drained than relaxed afterwards. I have caught more than eight hours of sleep every night this week, but feel wrecked. Am I suffering from a teensy dose of burnout, here!? Probably. Every shift has felt like a marathon, especially with accreditation chasing our tails. The irony here is that like most nurses, I can’t find the time to look after myself properly. Ha!

The scariest thing about being a health professional is that there are very few ‘small’ mistakes that we can make. Having made (many) mistakes before and only having worked as a nurse for under two years, I can affirm that this comes with the territory of the work. The saying that the master has failed more times than the beginner has tried? Yeah- pretty sure that the person who said that was a nurse. The difference here, is that if I go to work and I know I’m unsafe to be there, if I make a mistake I’m not going to feel like it was a learning experience. I’m going to feel like it was negligence on my part. So, there’s a substantial dent in the bumper of my car- but at least I can rest easy knowing that without the zombie-nurse version of me today, my patients will remain intact.

See you tomorrow, nursing.